


Ballsack, Condoms, and Other Childhood Tales

by catty_the_spy



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Bad Puns, Fits of Temper, Gen, Kid Fic, M/M, Parenthood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-10
Updated: 2013-04-10
Packaged: 2017-12-08 02:59:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/756210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catty_the_spy/pseuds/catty_the_spy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Demora Sulu is not a child that accepts “no” as an answer; Demora Sulu is not a child that accepts compromises; and, eventually, Demora Sulu is no longer a child.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ballsack, Condoms, and Other Childhood Tales

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Chekov/Sulu fanworksathon prompt: "
> 
>  **Prompt:** 034\. The most memorable fights Demora Sulu had with each of her two dads. “Memorable” in any sense, whether it’s in a angstful way of in a “lol why were we all so disproportionally mad about that again?” way, I just yearn for Chulu co-dadding
> 
> "

**13**  
“Daddy, I want to marry Balzak.”

Hikaru choked on his water and coughed while Pavel slowly put down his fork. “Who?”

“Balzak,” Demora said. “He’s from Yurpentz. We’ve talked it out, and I’ve decided to marry him.”

Hikaru snorted, coughed, and shook his head. “You’re too young.”

“But Daddy….”

“No buts!” Hikaru couldn’t help the smile on his face. “You aren’t getting married and that’s final.”

“How did you meet this…Ball-sack, anyway?” Pavel asked.

Demora shrugged. “Pen His introduced us.”

Hikaru burst into helpless laughter and Demora scowled. “Daddy, stop! It’s not funny!”

“Is Pen His someone you know from school?” Pavel’s mouth twitched, but he kept his composure.

“We met through Dolworth. He’s cool. He got twenty thousand points his first day!”

“Demora, you know what we said about you meeting people through that game. You’re supposed to ask first.”

“You would have said yes anyway!”

“That is no excuse.” Pavel picked up his fork again and went back to meal. “Thirteen is too young to marry anyone, especially someone you’ve only just met.”

“Also you’re grounded.” Hikaru said.

“That’s not--”

“No games for a week. You knew the rules when you broke them.”

Demora screeched and stormed from the table. Pavel and Hikaru watched her go.

Hikaru sighed and looked back at his plate. “Ballsack and Penis.”

Pavel snickered.

 

 **15**  
Hikaru was cooking dinner when Demora stomped into the house. He sighed, mentally preparing for the worst.

He heard Pavel put down his PADD. “Good afternoon, darling. How was your day?”

Demora didn’t say anything, dropping her messenger bag on the floor.

“You know where that goes,” Hikaru said without turning around.

He could almost hear her rolling her eyes. “In a minute.”

“Now.”

Demora took a few deep breaths. “AsanactofsolidarityIwouldliketonowberefferedtoascha,” she said in a rush.

Hikaru put down the knife he’d been holding and tilted his head. “Say that again?”

“Slowly,” Pavel added. “Your Papa is becoming an old man.”

“As an act of solidarity,” Demora repeated at a more sedate pace, “I would like to be referred to as ‘cha’ instead of ‘she’.”

Hikaru turned around. “Solidarity with who? And what language is that in?”

“Sam. H-cha’s decided to embrace chun Tserillian heritage. I wanted to show che support.”

“Whose idea was it?”

“Some of ours.”

“Do his parents know?”

“Chun, Dad! He him his, cha che chun.”

Pavel picked up his PADD again, his way of handing control of the conversation to Hikaru. “Tone.”

Demora made an impatient noise.

“Okay,” Hikaru said, leaning against the counter. “Do chun parents know about this?”

“Sam’s parents gave him…gave che permission to go by the Tserrillian pronouns, and cha tried to convince chun dad to do it, too, but Doctor McCoy said that was none of Sam’s business.”

“This could quickly become confusing,” Pavel said. He glanced up. “That face makes you look constipated.”

“How can you be so dismissive of Sam’s experience?”

“Stop shouting.” Hikaru said. “Does Sam know you want to do this? Is he-”

“Cha,” Pavel reminded him.

“Is cha okay with it?”

“It’s gonna be a surprise,” Demora said, still wearing the constipated face. “Cha was nervous about changing everything all at once. I had to tell you because I live with you.”

Hikaru turned back to the counter and picked up his knife again. “Two things. One: check your attitude. Two: you can change to the Tserillian pronouns tomorrow if and only if it’s okay with both Doctor McCoy and Sam. When I say both, I mean both. And don’t let this be something you do for two days and then forget about. I know you; this is important to Sam, you shouldn’t do it if you aren’t going to take it seriously.”

“Why tomorrow?” Demora pressed. “Why not now? This isn’t for me, you know. This is for Sam. Sam needs all the support cha can get. Imposing your human values on che is kind of skeevtastic.”

“Demora please don’t,” Pavel said. Hikaru pictured him rubbing his eyes. “We’we giwen you what you asked for.”

“This is exactly what Sam was worried about!” she continued, speaking over him. “Fucking adults! I thought you’d legitimately care!”

“Enough!”

Demora’s mouth clicked shut. Pavel turned to state at him. Hikaru usually didn’t raise his voice.

“You stop talking and go to your room,” he said, waving in his daughter’s general direction. “Put your bag away, do your homework, don’t make a sound. I don’t want to hear you so much as squeak.”

He scowled when she just stood there. “Go,” he said, waving her towards the stairs. “Did you think I was joking?”

“Hikaru…” Pavel said slowly. “Perhaps the cleawer is unnecessary.”

Hikaru looked at his hands. He forgotten he was holding it.

Demora flew up the stairs like someone set a fire under her tail. That probably had more to do with the cleaver than his parenting skills.

 

 **29**  
“Hey guys!”

Demora’s voice was tinny over the comm speakers, but her smile was as wide as ever. Hikaru and Pavel were happy to see their daughter looking so healthy; college on Andormus has been good for her.

“I’ll be back in San Fran on the 14th. We’re going to be protesting the inhumane conditions of the four largest penal colonies. Did you know the four out of fie prisoners die each year from food shortages? Credits that should be going towards the production and preservation of food are instead being put into the warden’s pockets. There’s no oversight!”

Demora spent ten minutes detailing the injustices of the penal system, leaving her parents confused at times when she spoke to fast, but overall impressed with her knowledge and enthusiasm.

“So can you come?”

“I can,” Pavel said, “but Hikaru has a hearing.”

Demora’s shoulders slumped. Grown woman or not, her pout was the same as it had always been. “Seriously? This is a major event. All the big news outlets are going to be there! We may even get the governments attention.”

“That’s amazing, sweetie,” said Hikaru. “I’m so proud of you. I wish I could reschedule but it’s not up to me.”

“Dad, this is my first big protest. I need you there.”

“Your papa will be there,” Pavel said. “I promise I will, but the admiralty won’t bend on this. Half the people involved tried to make adjustments.”

“I don’t want just one of you! I need you both! It can’t be that serious, can it?”

Hikaru and Pavel shared a look. Demora’s pout changed into a worried frown. “What is it?”

“Ship business,” Hikaru said, making himself smile. “Nothing to fret over.”

“Dad….”

“Don’t worry. Hey, depending on when we get out, I might be able to make part of it.”

“Give me the number of where you will be staying,” Pavel said. “I’ll call you.” He tried to say with his face that he would explain to her then; he hoped she understood.

 

 **16**  
Pavel never said he had a quiet temper; that was Hikaru’s claim to fame. Pavel was more of a “get irrationally angry incredibly quickly” kind of guy, so when he came home from a long day of arguing with idiots in a lab to find his teenage daughter having sex with a twenty-year old local miscreant on their living room sofa…well. It was safe to say that Pavel was not a happy camper.

“What were you thinking?” He yelled as he tossed the man out the front door. “He is four years older than you!”

“Papa stop!”

The man’s clothes were scattered all over the living room. The man was trying to come back inside to get them, but Pavel kicked him out again, his foot barely missing the man’s nuts.

He fled without his clothes.

“Ugh! What the hell?”

“You’we got no business dating a grown man at your age!”

“Dad’s four years older than you!”

“I did not sleep with him until I was twenty. You should be hawing sex with people closer to your age. You aren’t ewen on birth control! Were you ewen using protection?”

Demora blinked at him. “What?”

“You weren’t, were you? Demora I thought that you knew better.”

Pavel had started to go off on a tangent in Russian when Demora interrupted him again. “No, I mean, yes we had a condom and contraceptive jelly, but…what are you mad about again?”

Pavel’s eyes bulged out of his head. Demora glanced at the comm as if she was thinking of contacting emergency services. “You had sex with a grown man; you are only a teenager. What if he had an STD? What if the jelly was expired or the condom broke? You need protection in triplicate!”

“So you’re not mad that I was having sex?” Demora said, squinting at him.

“No!”

“You’re just mad that it was Freddie?”

“I’m angry because Freddie is too old for you!”

“ _Ooh._ Huh.” Demora clutched Freddie’s shirt tighter to her. “I’ll do better next time. Um…I’m still kinda naked, and the door is open, so can I…?”

It took a moment for Pavel’s brain to switch from rage-mode to normal, but it took even longer for the angry flush to leave his face. “You should do that. And then wash the cowers on the sofa. You left a wet spot.”

It’d gotten awkward fairly quickly. They both hesitated, staring at each other and trying to avoid looking at each other all at once. Together they inhaled. “Okay.”

Pavel closed the door. Demora rushed upstairs.

“Demora,” he called after he’d closed the door. “What do you think of not telling Hikaru about this?”

 

 **19**  
“OH MY GOD!”

Pavel rolled off the couch and onto the floor, causing Hikaru to yelp and their daughter to scream again.

“Oh my god what are you doing oh my god!”

Hikaru tossed a sofa cushion at Pavel and smiled awkwardly at their daughter. “You’re home early. We weren’t expecting you for another…twelve hours.”

“I caught an earlier train.” Demora was facing the wall, arms crossed over her head. “Are you decent?”

“Uh…” Hikaru looked around. “Pavel do you see my shorts?”

Demora groaned like she was dying. “What the hell, you guys? Oh my god.”

Pavel huffed. “It’s not as if you hawen’t done it yourself. We’re old, not dead.”

“PAPA!”

Hikaru gave Pavel a look of horror. “ _On our sofa?_ ”

Pavel winced. “I made her wash the cushions.”

“Holy shit!” Hikaru jumped up, flinging away the pillow he’d been using to cover himself as if it was going to jump up and bite him. “You let us have sex there? _Our daughter_ had sex there?”

“We had done it first,” Pavel protested.

“Oh gross,” Demora whined, still facing the wall. “I need to go boil my skin.”

“ _You_?” Hikaru jumped to snag his boxers from the overhead light. “We’re getting a new sofa. I’m never sitting on that thing again.”

Paval rolled his eyes. “I should newer hawe told either of you.”

Hikaru kicked him. “Okay, you can turn around now.”

Demora tentatively peeked from behind her arms. “No more dad-penis?”

“This will be the second and last time.”

“There was a first time?”

“You were three, you had a nightmare, we forgot to lock the door…its best forgotten.”

“Do you guys regularly have sex where anybody can walk in on you? What is this? Is this a kink? Do you have an exhibition kink?”

“He doesn’t,” Pavel said, just as Hikaru said “I’m not talking about my preferences with you!”

Demora’s eyes went wide. “TMI TMI oh my god _why_? I’m never coming home again.”

 

 **Bonus: 32**  
“This is from the year when she wanted to marry a kid named Ballsack, and this…oh this picture. She hated wearing clothes when she was little. This is from the day where she hid them all when her nanny wasn’t watching, then chucked the ones she had on in the trash. Then she went to play with the next door neighbor’s kid, in the rain.”

“Do you see those foot shaped stains over there? We newer got rid of all of the mud.”

Demora buried her face in her hands as her dads entertained her girlfriend with old pictures.

She was going to burn it. As soon as she found out the combination to that safe, she was going to steal it and burn it.

“Oh this one! She decided she didn’t like having long hair, so she found some safety scissors and….”


End file.
